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I had written a number of blogs about love and marriage, but I've never written about this topic. My former blogs were mostly preventive measures, but what if you wake up one day and find out that despite of applying everything you've read about how to have a beautiful relationship/marriage, you still find yourself in that dreadful state.

How do you deal with infidelity?
Do you wallow in pain?
Do you cry bucket of tears and forget it afterwards?
Do you fool yourself as if it's not happening?
Do you blame yourself for what happened?
Do you go on self-pity?
Do you blame God or turn to God even more?
Or do you do the same thing as a form of ex-girlfriend revenge?

I, myself, don't know how I would take such betrayal. I don't know if I would be able to forgive my husband or the other if it happens. I don't think much about it, for as I said, such is a dreadful state and I might as well enjoy and savor our relationship. I am happily married at the moment and I hope the time will not come that we will have to deal with that issue. However, I feel as a woman and as a product of a broken family, I would have to voice my two-cents worth about that matter. Who knows, it may be worth it. If you find yourself in that state, please never blame yourself. If you know that you've done your best as a wife and mother to your kids, do not let him pass the buck on you.

Trusting after the betrayal is almost impossible, but if your husband is truly sorry and try his best to make amends, perhaps forgiving him is still best. However, he has to earn your trust once again. As for you, you have to ask for God's grace for you to be truly healed. A wound may be healed, but a scar will always be there. Pray for the grace for that scar to be a reminder of the beauty of forgiveness and not the ugly face of infidelity. How you see it will depend on how both of you faced your issues. However, never force yourself to forgive when you are not ready yet. Acknowledge your pains. Don't deny how you feel about it. Allow yourself to cry. Liberate yourself. But you must have a saturation period. A stage when you know it's enough and it's time to live your life again. If after everything that your partner has done to prove that he deserves a second chance and you could still not take him back, I think it's best to consult a marriage counselor. (I am a Catholic and I really believe in the sanctity of marriage.) But then, if all else failed to make it work, pray for God's guidance and strength.

Don't despair. It's not the end of the world. I do agree that sometimes it is best to be alone than to be with someone you loathe. If you have kids, you have even more reasons to be brave, to be hopeful and to be strong. Look for inspirations. There are a lot of single moms who managed to raise beautiful and wonderful children. It's not a walk in the park, but your best friend, God, will never forsake you. He would even use your friends, family and other people whom you may not even know as channels of His wonderful love.

Adora C. Ganir

http://dadbytes.blogspot.com

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posted by atomxxfa  # 1:44 AM