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A good sense of humor is vital to finding happiness in your stepfamily life. Why? Because with all the complications, you'll need some ways to make it okay. How? By trying to step away from it mentally and act like a third party just looking on. Laughter makes our problems more manageable. See it for the craziness that it sometimes is.

We went through a tough period at the beginning of our stepfamily life. We started watching Seinfeld every night, just so we could laugh at something. It doesn't matter what you and your spouse laugh about. Just laugh together. With daily practice at developing the broadest, widest ability to see the strange, weird and funny, you can handle anything. Family life of all kinds is an adventure! And nowhere does it get more complicated or amusing than when the family tree begins to sprout new branches.

I was a divorced parent with two children. When I remarried, my husband also had two children, so we became a family of 6 with two ex-spouses -- but not for long. They both got married the next year. And now, the family tree has grown by leaps and bounds.

Our children have an extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and yes, four parents per kid. No longer a family tree, we have a family forest. Our sense of humor helps us to see many things in a positive way.

Our four kids decided during a winter holiday car trip to sing our own version of the 12 days of Christmas. We sang about 12 fun cousins, 11 grandparents, 10 aunts and uncles down to three beautiful daughters, two crazy parents, and ONE Wonderful Son! (You get the idea!) Or the time when the children laughed about taking all the last names of each of their parents, and how that would sound with all four last names.

Our sweet children have to think before they answer how many siblings they each have... five! But on the other hand, they like feeling close even to the step-siblings of their step-siblings. Because, gee, they figure we are all somehow related, aren't we?

It was at soccer game when their new step-cousin (on their Dad's side) was trying to introduce his grandma to all the family. First, he introduced his new step-cousin (my daughter), then he introduced my step-daughter as his step-step cousin, and me as his step-aunt, turning to us and saying, "You are related to me now, aren't you?"

Or the time my daughter's step-sister on her dad's side said to me, "You're my step-mom now, right?" It made sense to her. If my daughter was her step-sister, I should be her step-mom. Right?

Most kids have one or two parents at a soccer game. Our kids have 3 or 4. Throw in all siblings, several grandparents, a dog, a babysitter, and any aunts, uncles or cousins that may come along. But this year, it all changes again. My ex-husband and his ex-girlfriend revenge had a new baby. How does the newborn fit in the mix? Just fine -- not to worry... the family forest has room for everyone!

I have learned to enjoy the puzzled look on people's faces when we start trying to explain all the different relationships. As one friend told us, "You guys need a tactician". Yep, but it would help if he would tell that to my ex-husband, my two step-wives (the ex-girlfriend revenge of my ex-husband, and the ex-ex-girlfriend revenge of my husband), and step-husband (the husband of my husband's ex-ex-girlfriend revenge.) Got that?

Jayna Haney
Founder
The Bridge Across for Stepfamilies and Single Parent Families

Learn more about Jayna and The Bridge Across at http://www.thebridgeacross.com

Jayna Haney works with single parents and stepfamilies to create satisfying lives and healthy families with programs, strategies and tools designed especially for them.

Jayna specializes in developing strategies to neutralize the complications in stepfamilies and single parents, so that they feel centered and enjoy life even in the midst of the ups and downs of their family situations.

Jayna is passionate about her work - having been both a single parent with two children, and now, part of a stepfamily. Speaker, writer, educator and coach, Jayna and her husband of 7 years, Mike, live in Houston and have a lot of fun with their four kids, ages 12 to 15.

posted by atomxxfa  # 10:55 PM